It's over....

I was complacent, content, comfortable.  I was semi-happy semi-miserable.  Never saw it coming then POW!  My husband hit me with the most painful words a person can hear; DIVORCE.  My head began to spin, I felt faint; "wait, what?"  "WHY?"  What did I do, how long have you felt this way?  I thought you loved me, I thought I was your world????  This can't be real...I hate you, I love you, I miss you, go away.  The emotions during a divorce I can tell you most definitely suck.  The betrayal, the pain, the sadness, the resentment, and let's not leave out the financial security that comes crashing down.  I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest, I can't breathe.  Wait, I can breathe cause I hate him, I don't need him.  Do I?  Remember that trip to the mountains you took together?  That feeling?  It was real right?  How did it come to this then, we were so happy, weren't we?  No, we weren't.  Maybe sometimes though, yes, we were happy sometimes and it was the most amazing times of our lives.  Good, bad, doesn't matter cause...it's over.  It's...over.  Today I was excited, I wanted to share my happiness of an accomplishment with him.  No, don't, he doesn't care.  Does he?  Maybe.. Does it matter?  No, it really doesn't.  It's time to move on.  Through the tears, I'm going to make it, I'm going to move on.  He left me, he must not have ever truly loved me the way I thought he did.  How could I be so blind, so stupid?  I was though.  I was in marital bliss, but blissfully all by myself.  I didn't notice he didn't share my ignorance.  He'd been plotting and planning for months, perhaps years as to how exactly he was going to rid himself of me, the burden.  Yes, I must have been a burden.  My health issues, my mood swings, and my ups and downs must have been a burden, troublesome.  But our vows?  In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part so help me God....Did he cross his fingers behind his back during those vows?  Did he forget?  What is he doing right now?  Am I even a thought?  Is he eating well, sleeping well?  Does he cry?  Probably not, maybe, who knows?  I'll never really know because our story, our time together, our hopes and dreams, they're gone....All gone.  Let yourselves grieve.  Cry, scream in a pillow, eat ice cream, plot sweet revenge, take back that stupid plot, plot again despite your brain telling you to grow-up, don't follow through with revenge, just try to move on and live your life.  You could die tomorrow, live for today.  When someone gives you up, let them because they were never really meant to be your forever.  Now sit back and allow your forever to find you and just relax, breathe.